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20 Unavoidable Questions at your Significant Other's Holiday Gathering

by Kody Mac

Everyone has had at least one experience of a significant other's holiday gathering...if you haven't, you will soon! It's dreadful! I remember my first time...here are a few questions I was thinking, sometimes asking, during the course of the Christmas visit:

1. Uh oh, am I agreeing too much with everything they’re saying?

2. Did I just laugh with the wrong family member?

3. Talking about politics is definitely a no-no…

4. …but by not commenting, do I look like an emotionless robot?

5. I haven’t cursed yet, right? I don’t want to take the lord’s name in vain!

6. How do I know if I’m supposed to get them a gift or not??!

7. Oh no, how much PDA is allowed here? Can I hug? Is a kiss too much? Sitting next to them on the couch???

8. What if I don’t say enough silent grace before digging in??? Some people just say less grace than others, and that should be ok! Especially if I don’t typically even say grace or prayers.

9. Offering to clean up after myself isn’t offensive, right? I just want to help!

10. How do I explain my job without sounding like I’m making all of it up??

11. Is my sense of humor too weird for other people?!

12. What if they make some crazy dish, and I have to pretend that I really love it? “Oh, is this a family recipe? THEN IT IS DELICIOUS.”

13. Can I play dumb when it comes to pop culture terms so that I won’t have to explain them to ANYONE?

14. Will they care if I spend too much time with the family pets instead of the actual family?
Sometimes, animals are just better.

15. If I’m very innocently texting my own family members, will I instead look like an arrogant butthole who cares too much about their phone to pay attention to the real people in front of them?

16. But, what if I snore in my sleep but don’t know it? Or drool?

17. What if I look like a TERRIBLE HOT MESS at breakfast???

18. WHAT IF I FORGET TO KNOCK ON THE BATHROOM DOOR AND SEE THINGS I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO EVER SEE?

19. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU CALL SOMEONE BY THE WRONG NAME?

20. HOW AND WHEN AND WHERE DO I POOP?