This was planned to be an April Fools column, where I could fabricate a couple of humorous ideas, try to get you to buy into some farcical notion, and then surprise you at the end by reminding you it is April Fool’s Day. It would have been so clever.
Then Donald Trump started selling bibles.
We never considered sending our kids to Trump University, and we have never purchased Trump water, Trump vodka, Trump Ice, Trump steaks, Trump menswear, Trump mattresses, Trump pillows, Trump eyeglasses, Trump lighting, Trump coffee, Trump perfume and deodorant, or Trump: the Game.
And we have not yet been tempted by Trump’s or Biden’s campaign items, such as hats, flags, mugs, shirts, coins, and assorted other political paraphernalia.
And in the arena of “you can’t make this stuff up,” Trump’s post-presidency offerings of NFT super-hero cards, more perfume, obscenely ornate tennis shoes, and cut-up pieces of the suit he wore when he was indicted in Atlanta, we have not bitten yet. Did I miss anything? Oh, Melania sold NFTs of her eyes.
Each time I assume Trump-world cannot come up with anything more ridiculous, more embarrassing, more shameless, they roll out another product that I initially believe to be a Saturday Night Live skit. During Easter week, Donald Trump, a man who has been convicted of sexual assault, and is under indictment for altering business records to hide funds used to pay off a porn star, and who fomented an insurrection to remain in power, is selling bibles.
“All Americans need to have a Bible in their home, and I have many. It’s my favorite book,” said Trump in his video that announced to supporters that they should purchase the “God Bless The USA Bible.” “Religion is so important and so missing, but it’s going to come back.”
Is it possible that people won’t see through this one? Sure, they bought the NFTs superhero pictures (not real products but digitized pictures of products), and although I have never seen anyone wearing Trump tennis shoes, it has been reported that they sold out.
His followers do not see this as obvious grift aimed at paying off his massive legal debts or lining his pockets. These bibles, like his company stock, will generate huge initial interest, which will allow Trump to cash out before the stock, which went public while losing millions, and the bibles, become worthless.
But wait; This bible is “the only Bible to be endorsed by President Trump.” “I’m proud to endorse and encourage you to get this Bible. We must make America pray again.” I think he meant “pay again.” As the website says, there are NO refunds.
By the way, my tip here is that this bible, which has been for sale since 2021, even though Trump just started Tuesday, is listed on Amazon for $24.50. Apparently, the endorsement came at a cost.
The FAQ section of the “God Bless America” Bible website claims that no proceeds from his sales will go toward Trump’s presidential campaign. No mention is made as to whether any proceeds could be applied to his huge legal fees or stuck in his pocket.
According to the book’s official site, the God Bless the USA Bible is “not owned, managed, or controlled by Donald J. Trump, The Trump Organization, CIC Ventures LLC, or any of their respective principals or affiliates.” Instead, Trump’s “name, likeness, and image” are being used “under paid license from CIC Ventures LLC.” CIC Ventures also collected money from Trump’s super-hero NFTs and gold sneakers.
In a financial disclosure released last year, Trump is identified as the CIC Ventures LLC’s “manager, president, secretary and treasurer” and the Donald J. Trump Revocable Trust is identified as a 100 percent owner of the business. And the principal address for CIC Ventures LLC is a Trump Florida golf course.
All this brings to mind a quote, often attributed to Sinclair Lewis but actually stated by James Waterman Wise Jr. in a 1936 edition of The Christian Century: If fascism comes to America, it will probably be “wrapped up in the American flag and heralded as a plea for liberty and preservation of the constitution.”
So, for those of you considering a patriotic bible purchase, please just stop to consider, before you pony up sixty bucks. It may be his “favorite book,” and he may “have many” bibles in his collection, but I would question his follow-through.
This is no April-Fools-Day column (sadly), but Happy April 1st anyway. You can probably figure out the rest.
Curt MacRae is a resident of Coldwater, MI, and publishes opinion columns regularly.
Tweets @curtmacrae — comments to rantsbymac@gmail.com
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