In a large egg-shaped office all gilded in gold,
Lives an angry orange creature, narcissistic and old.
His hair is all swirled, windswept on his head,
With long ties, swollen cankles, and hands black and red.
He kept looking at maps, found a land that was Green,
An icy blob with few people, in a place he’d not seen.…
“GREEN-land!” he proclaimed, “We must make a deal.
I’ll buy it up now, if I can’t, I’ll just steal.”
“It’s empty!” he hollered. “How much could it be?
Oh, people live there? They’ll love me, you’ll see.
They’ll feel lucky to be with us, you can bank on that.
I’ll bring each one a bible, and a nice MAGA hat.”
Whoops, distracted again, it was Venezuela that day,
He launched regime change, yet the same team’s still in play.
Now Iran is the latest shiny object to notice,
Is conquering other lands the main mission for POTUS?
Americans are dying in a middle east war,
And the president has promised, “there will probably be more.”
While Hegseth bans press and now pics he thinks lame,
He’s pumping out videos showing war as a game.
After a campaign of “no new wars” by the president of peace,
And a promise that day-one, Russian attacks would just cease,
We’re spending two billion a day on this newest fight
While Russia keeps bombing Ukraine day and night.
Should Americans fear Iran’s revenge for this mess?
The President presidentially assured us, “I guess.”
But most never voted for more military tours,
I have family near draft-age, and none have bone spurs.
Speaking presidentially, how ‘bout the hat that Trump wore
At the dignified transfer for victims of war?
Does anyone coach him, do his advisors just bail
Whenever he’s got extra merch up for sale?
If you’re still watching FOX, you never saw this class act
Cause they ran old Trump footage, yes that’s a fact.
They tried to make him look classy, but wait,
Viewers caught the switch, and some got irate.
“Cuba is going to fall soon,” a new boastful Trump claim,
He turned out their lights when his embargos came,
Is there a plan? Can we hear it? In a speech, not a tweet?
Give us logic, give us truth, that would really be sweet.
I don’t need gold shoes, a watch, or some SWAG
Or NFTs, Chinese bibles, or cologne in a bag.
I can live without meme coins, a guitar or gold phone,
I’d just like you to focus on things here at home.
So, after Iran, do we think Cuba’s next?
We can check it on Hegseth’s next unsecured text.
Canada’s not forgotten; what might be their fate?
A northern excursion to add our fifty-first state?
So, with incursions, excursions, and wars in the book,
We can all forget Epstein, Hah, made you look.
Ah yes, forget Jeffrey because nobody cares,
We have distractions, redactions, and other affairs.
So back to the issues that matter the most,
Attacking countries all over, at such a huge cost,
Look here, no, now there, watch the Dems all react,
While we forget about Epstein, a great way to distract
Now, a final postscript, just to explain
That I left out many topics that were just so insane.
You can’t hit them all, each day brings lots more
So I’m sorry if your favorite hit the cutting room floor.
Curt MacRae is a resident of Coldwater, MI and publishes opinion columns regularly.
To be notified by email when a column is published, or to offer feedback: rantsbymac@gmail.com
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